The Armour Archive

Are you bored sitting in your castle in your home country? Want an adventure? What better thing to do than to start your own religious order!! Follow in the footsteps of the illustrious Knights Templar, the Hospitalliers and the Teutonic Knights!!

For only $49.99 you can start your own religious order by owning a piece of the one true cross on which Jesus was crucified!! Yes, you heard it right! Only $49.99 and you can have your very own piece of history which all other religious orders will be jealous of and plot for your downfall!



And if you order today you will also receive a nail from the one true cross! A value of $29.99 is yours, FREE, if you order today! Yes, for only $49.99 you can have a 'REAL' piece of the cross in which Jesus was crucified and a 'REAL' nail which some Roman carpenter used to built the cross with! What a bargain! And you don't even have to get the Pope's blessing to go to Jerusalem or dig under the old churches or live in the middle of a desert! Start your religious order right from your very own living room chair!

If you'd rather upgrade your purchase, for an extra $19.99 we will send you a piece of the cross with Jesus' own blood on it!! Check out the photo below!

Yes, you'll be the envy of the living history and SCA communities by starting your own religious order centered around our religious icons! Order yours TODAY!

Not able to verify authenticity.

Coming Soon! Some of Jesus' 1st carpentry projects from Freshmen Shop Class!

Just curious. Is this a joke or are you actually selling the reliquaries with a hunk o'cross and a nail?

I am already well supplied with fragments of the True Cross, but I would be very interested in any pieces of the Ark you have in stock.

The Spanish Armada was made ENTIRELY from pieces of The True Cross.

Unfortunately, Philip II wasn't well versed in woodcraft, and didn't realize that Elmer's Glue was water soluble...

I do have some cow dung found inside the ark for anyone interested.

Ingvarr, in answer to your inquiry, I hope you know where I'm coming from by looking closely at the 'piece of cross with blood on it' and notice what is in the top right hand of the photo.

I've been following the thread on the Hospitalliers and earlier today saw a Snuggy commercial so that gave me the idea for how merchants may have sold their crap back in the day.

I'll buy it because GOD WILLS IT!!!!!!

Obviously the piece with His blood is joke and the whole thing was written in a humorous fashion. That being said, pieces of TOTC are a pretty medieval thing to sell and I think there might well be a market

All kidding asside, where did you get the reliquary coffer? I would be very interested in one exactly like that!
Cheers,
Leo

Ingvarr wrote:Obviously the piece with His blood is joke and the whole thing was written in a humorous fashion. That being said, pieces of TOTC are a pretty medieval thing to sell and I think there might well be a market

There is, or used to be. Many moons ago at SCA events I used to make an extra buck or two selling shards of the one true Cross, finger bones of the saints and indulgences.

The shards came from the wood-pile. The fingerbones were cracked and boiled bones left over from the chicken we had for dinner. And I wrote out the indulgences myself.

The indulgences were pre-printed on linen laid paper, using a Gutenberg-era font, with blanks for recipient's name. I filled them in using a cut quill and handmade ink.

Oddly, modern Christians were singularly unamused.

Bob

brewer wrote:

Ingvarr wrote:Obviously the piece with His blood is joke and the whole thing was written in a humorous fashion. That being said, pieces of TOTC are a pretty medieval thing to sell and I think there might well be a market

There is, or used to be. Many moons ago at SCA events I used to make an extra buck or two selling shards of the one true Cross, finger bones of the saints and indulgences.

The shards came from the wood-pile. The fingerbones were cracked and boiled bones left over from the chicken we had for dinner. And I wrote out the indulgences myself.

The indulgences were pre-printed on linen laid paper, using a Gutenberg-era font, with blanks for recipient's name. I filled them in using a cut quill and handmade ink.

Oddly, modern Christians were singularly unamused.

Bob

You were obviously talking to the wrong ones.

In the early 80's the Mid had Brother Luvaducky who, among other things, sold indulgences as well. All in good fun. I believe he was from Calontir, while it was still a Principality. Don't remember seeing him much after the late 80s.

brewer wrote:

Ingvarr wrote:Obviously the piece with His blood is joke and the whole thing was written in a humorous fashion. That being said, pieces of TOTC are a pretty medieval thing to sell and I think there might well be a market

There is, or used to be. Many moons ago at SCA events I used to make an extra buck or two selling shards of the one true Cross, finger bones of the saints and indulgences.

The shards came from the wood-pile. The fingerbones were cracked and boiled bones left over from the chicken we had for dinner. And I wrote out the indulgences myself.

The indulgences were pre-printed on linen laid paper, using a Gutenberg-era font, with blanks for recipient's name. I filled them in using a cut quill and handmade ink.

Oddly, modern Christians were singularly unamused.

Bob

It's because you weren't wearing a stupid hat, and weren't in Rome doing it.

Fix those two, and they'll line right up to buy!

Edmund: Ah. Well, let's start with the pardons, shall we?

Baldrick: Right. Well, this is a fair selection. Basically, you seem to get what you pay for. They run all the way from this one, which is a pardon for talking with your mouth full, signed by an apprentice curate in Tewkesbury.

Edmund: Ah. How much is that?

Baldrick: Two pebbles. ...all the way up to this one, which is a pardon for anything whatsoever, including murder, adultery, or dis-memberment of a friend or relative."

Edmund: Who's that signed by?

Baldrick: Both popes.

We've got a reliquary containing the nose and toe nails of St. Chad. The nose is just a plastic toy from a castle gift shop. The toe nails were acquired whilst on pilgrimage to St. Chad's Cathedral in Lichfield when one of the pilgrims fell off a rock and crushed his toe.

Jan wrote:You were obviously talking to the wrong ones.

Oh, and there were some PISSED off people. This was at the Ukie Homestead back in the late 90s.

I managed to piss off two separate groups: The uber-Catholics and the neo-pagans. Let me tell you their reasons for dudgeon and why both were wrong:

1. The Catholics thought I was making fun of holy things. Well, yeah, I was - a little. I was raised Protestant; attachment of holy significance to anything other than the Bible is Not Done. More important, however, is that the buying and selling of such things was perfectly natural in the later Middle Ages. In fact, there was a very brisk trade and lots of competition. The commercialization of salvation was one of the main reasons Luther got out his pen and hammer. Therefore anyone exhibiting dudgeon doesn't know about that. If you don't know about that, you know neither the history of your religion nor the most basic of medieval history. Therefore, either clam up or get the **** out of my medieval-studies group.

2. Neo-pagans invoked the "No religion" clause which supposedly hides in Corpora. That clause (Corpora II.F) says, specifically:

Having no wish to recreate the religious conflicts of the period under study, the Society shall neither establish nor prohibit any system of belief among its members. No one shall perform any religious or magical ceremony at a Society event (or in association with the name of the Society) in such a way as to imply that the ceremony is authorized, sponsored, or promulgated by the Society or to force anyone at a Society event, by direct or indirect pressure, to observe or join the ceremony.

However, this provision is in no way intended to discourage the study of historical belief systems and their effects on the development of Western culture.

Except as provided herein, neither the Society nor any member acting in its name or that of any of its parts shall interfere with any person’s lawful ceremonies, nor shall any member discriminate against another upon grounds related to either’s system of belief.

Standing around with a box, waiting for someone to ask, "What's that?" is neither conducting a ceremony nor forcing anyone to observe or join in. Slightly more "gray area" is how I used to go out into the woods and tell the squirrels and birdies how cool God was. But hey, I was portraying a Fransiscan, you know? It's not like I was conducting Mass or anything.

In fact, berating me and ending the tirade with "The Society doesn't allow religion" is a definitive violation of II.F.

Well. Not like I do that anymore. But it's still fun to remember.

Bob

2 Birkas ago, I handed out Pieces of "St. Colin's Pylon" shards of the pier that he was Martyred against, to my Priory Brethren.

I put little splinters of wood from a beam in my shed into little glass bottles and sealed them with wax.

It was fun, and met with good humor.

When I was at the <A HREF="http://students.washington.edu/sca/">College of Saint Bunstable</A> we made up a bunch of "relics" of the <A HREF="http://students.washington.edu/sca/lifeofsb.html">"saint"</A> for site tokens.

Small bits of slightly-burned wood for the barrels that exploded.
Small vials of salt from his tears.
Bone shards.
Small vials of wine.

It was entertaining.

-Derian.

at Gulf Wars this past year, as I was up before the sun and on my way to shower before starting work at the Bakery, I passed by the Green Dragon Tavern, where I heard latin chants. Peaking through a crack in the closed shutters, I saw what appeared to be a Catholic Mass.

Thats so cool! I thought to myself.

And me being raided halfMormon and halfCatholic and being a fully functional Pagan too.

FOr the record, this offends me.

Note, however, that I am not calling for you to be beheaded, blown up, shot, stabbed, or knee-ed in the goolies.

But as a Christian, it offends me.

Unless John the Baptist had two heads, Jesus Christ had 6 foreskins and Saint Peter had 30 fingers then somewhere along the line the actual medieval people were just making stuff up too. Unless someone tries to sell off any old bit of fire wood as a actual piece of the True Cross (now available on eBay by the way) then where's the harm?

I'm not trying to justify my post, but I am in seminary, and my religious history prof found it extremely humorous, and he's been a Presbyterian pastor for over 30 years.

Effingham wrote:FOr the record, this offends me.

Note, however, that I am not calling for you to be beheaded, blown up, shot, stabbed, or knee-ed in the goolies.

But as a Christian, it offends me.

Why does it offend you? I am a Christian and I am not offended. I am just curious why.

That's a typically protestant mindset.

We Orthodox -- who still have a reverent veneration for relics -- view such things differently.

I'm with Effingham, my first impression was offense. As was my second. I was raised Lutheran and we still have reverence for things, Luther condemned iconoclasts just as much as those who placed such things on par with God. Secondly as an historian, people like to grab on to this idea and run with it. The second image is deeply disturbing to me.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest, cause a certain book warned me about churches of men..

Piers Brent wrote:I'm with Effingham, my first impression was offense. As was my second. I was raised Lutheran and we still have reverence for things, Luther condemned iconoclasts just as much as those who placed such things on par with God. Secondly as an historian, people like to grab on to this idea and run with it. The second image is deeply disturbing to me.

It's a piece of wood with some ketchup on it

While I FULLY SUPPORT the selling of fake relics, to inspire a more correct medieval atmosphere, perhaps in this overly PC world we could get away with selling more SCA related relics.

The Plastic fork used to eat at the first SCA party, used by Diana Listmaker herself!

The very first SCA Helm (or a shard therof)

A feather from the arrow Caradoc first used to declare the first Pennsic War!

The cardboard core from the first role of duct tape!

Well, I'm on the Bishop's committee for our local Episcopalian church and my wife was a delegate who voted for our new Bishop two weeks ago and I have to say:

I was greatly amused and salute you for it!

I can ask our Vicar for his take on it---but he puts up with me so he's a *saint*!

Thomas

Thomas Powers wrote:I can ask our Vicar for his take on it---but he puts up with me so he's a *saint*!

Give you $5 for a pinky.

Thomas mentioning anything Episcopalian trying to get credibility in regards to religion basically kills any chance of having any.

And a picture of a piece of wood with ketchup on it is offensive when done in relationship to any mention of the true Cross.

Piers Brent wrote:Thomas mentioning anything Episcopalian trying to get credibility in regards to religion basically kills any chance of having any.

And a picture of a piece of wood with ketchup on it is offensive when done in relationship to any mention of the true Cross.

Lighten up Francis!!!!!!!!!!!


It's not like it was a picture of Muhammed with a bomb in his turban.

My poor attempt at being humorous was not intended to offend anyone, though it obviously has, but to make light of the many, many 'merchants' in the past who have sold items claiming them to be 'originals'. No matter what a church or order may claim, there is truly no way to prove that it is what it is unless it was someone who died with in the lifetime that they were venerated. I attempted to make these objects so obviously fake that people would see them as that, fake. It is in no way that I am making light of what Christ did for humanity. The cross itself did not make Him a Savior. It was the act of the crucifixion. Symbols are nothing compared to the act. If I were to attack the act of the crucifixion then I would expect dissent. If I were to mock the cross, I would expect dissent. This whole thread is taken out of context.

You have no need to defend yourself, Miscreant. It is humorous, and the second photograph in particular is very well done, with just the bit o' bottle sticking out from the corner! Ha! Some people are bound to not enjoy the humor in such delicate matters, and some people are very expressive of such disapproval. You have no reason to apologize to them, though. Almost any humor is offensive to someone for some reason or another, that's typically what makes things funny.

-Gregory

I found it amusing. But than I see no reason to get offended by someone selling something that is so obviously fake.

You wanna be offended be my guest, me, I'd take one and set it up proudly for my 16th century italian Lady who would likely have bought just such a thing.

I will never understand being offended over such things. It's no more offensive then all the jewelry shops selling crucifixes, thor's hammers or any of the myriad other religious symbols.

Such things are supposed to be blessed or made specifically for a church and none of these are. Do you get offended by those as well?

Miscreant, if you did not realize the possibility of this possibly being offensive then your naive. Posting a photo of a piece of wood with ketchup on it with the bottle still in the frame entitled. "Here's the piece of cross with Jesus blood on it." and thinking no one would be offended. It wasn't taken out of context it was horribly executed.

That doesn't even go in to butchering the history of religious orders.

Snaebjorn if you can't see the difference between the two then frankly your an idiot.

Eh, some people will get offended at <i>anything</i>. That's their problem, not yours.

As an ex-christian, I think it's hilarious.

-Derian.