The Armour Archive

I recently had a mix up with a coven of raccoons who live in my house. It seems they think they own it because they have lived in it while it was vacant before we bought it.
You see, I own this bec d'corbin, with a serious back spike, a sweet stabbing blade tip, and four pronged hammer. This matters because all was lovey until the raccoon took a long piss through the ceiling in my TV room.
Hence to say, I no longer believe that a stab from my SCA poleaxe blade would end a fight in one shot. No way, not a chance. I can tell you this from hands on experince that it wouldn't happen.

I now hate the remaining raccoon, who has escaped my coach gun watch three nights in a row, and I've been forbidden from destroying the ceiling in the bedroom like I destroyed the wall in our first floor bath.

YOur wife is being so unreasonable...

audax wrote:YOur wife is being so unreasonable...

Not really, she had the second 14th C poleaxe. I have to say, I didn't think she had it in her, and she impresses me more and more as a serious farmer/woodsman every day here at the new farm.

I should have said "we" destroyed the bathroom wall!

NOw that is a picture. HUsband and wife pollaxe team.

audax wrote:NOw that is a picture. HUsband and wife pollaxe team.

You got that right!

Poor technique!

(j/k)

Leo Medii wrote:I recently had a mix up with a coven of raccoons who live in my house. It seems they think they own it because they have lived in it while it was vacant before we bought it.
You see, I own this bec d'corbin, with a serious back spike, a sweet stabbing blade tip, and four pronged hammer. This matters because all was lovey until the raccoon took a long piss through the ceiling in my TV room.
Hence to say, I no longer believe that a stab from my SCA poleaxe blade would end a fight in one shot. No way, not a chance. I can tell you this from hands on experince that it wouldn't happen.

I now hate the remaining raccoon, who has escaped my coach gun watch three nights in a row, and I've been forbidden from destroying the ceiling in the bedroom like I destroyed the wall in our first floor bath.

Yeah, some of those varmints just don't die. At age 13, saw a friend put 3 target arrows straight through chest of a raccoon with a 30ish pound bow (well 1 went belly to back, and 2 side to side, all in the upper portion of his torso). He still managed to run across the street, up a tree, and took a long time to die.

By that point, I was ready to be sick, and my friend was afraid to shoot again, partly because a house would've backstopped his shots, but also because he thought he was going to get in trouble for killing an animal.

I was recently regaled with the story of a bar-b-q that started with supper on the hoof and a little test-cutting. I'm told with proper technique one can take a head clean off with one cut.

Mothballs or naptha flakes dude.

Sprinkle it where they are hanging out. They don't like it.

Yeah, we are trying the mothballs. Dosen't seem to bother this bastard one bit! GAH!

Leo Medii wrote:

audax wrote:NOw that is a picture. HUsband and wife pollaxe team.

You got that right!

WIN!
May you be healthy and happy.

Leo Medii wrote:Yeah, we are trying the mothballs. Dosen't seem to bother this bastard one bit! GAH!

Huh.

Well, step two is a .357 to the forehead. THough I did kill one with a pitchfork once.

"I no longer believe that a stab from my SCA poleaxe blade would end a fight in one shot. No way, not a chance. I can tell you this from hands on experince that it wouldn't happen."

Doesn't that depend on what you hit with it? Did you stab the head, heart, or just center mass?

Yeah, I got the dad with a 12g stoger coach gun about two months back. We thought he was the one that was in the attic. then we kept hearing more. Then they climbed down the wall and nested in the bathroom wall. Can't shoot them in the house, too much stuff to damage in a house as old as ours.
Been trying to catch the mom outside. She was none too pleased the day we laid waste to several of the kits. We could hear her in the same area growling and such. Couldn't catch her though.....she was too far down the wall.
We can't figure out how they are getting in and out of the house to get food and such. I put some cloth over the only option we thought, but she was out last night and the cloth was untouched, and she got back in....

Aint old houses fun?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I will cherish always the look on the realtors face when she was telling us about this great house on 10 acres with a barn and run ins built in 1987 with all updates and I told her we weren't interested and wanted a house built BEFORE 1900. Her jaw bounced I think.....

I love houses with history, and were built by people who cared. If I wanted a cookie cutter OSB box I'd go back to dressing in suits, get a Ryan Seacrest haircut, buy another sports car and caring about what the Jones' did this week

Nope. Rat Race is not my thing any more. Give me that old time religion!!

One time I came home from fight practice (back when I was living at my parents house, early 20's) to find my cat who I had raised for the last 15 years surrounded by a family of raccoons. I got out of my truck, and walked towards them...mother raccoon growled, I stepped back, and she went back to teaching the 'how to hunt and eat' my cat lesson.

Realizing I didn't have much time before my cat was done for, I grabbed my rattan sword from my truck and walked towards momma raccoon again. She came at me in full charge, growling away, I took a step back and threw the meanest snap I've ever thrown. She went about 10 feet and slowly walked back to the bushes...the rest of the raccoons tried to run up the tree in the middle of the yard.......I ended my night with a solid pell session. Didn't kill any of them, but they never bothered my cat again

When I was a teenager a 'coon went after our chickens one night. My Dad took a .22 out to the coop. The coop was a long low cage so my Dad had to stoop to get in. The racoon was chasing the chickens in the back. My Dad shot it, it turned and reared up, he shot it again and it charged him. He ended up beating it to death with the butt of the gun holding the barrel. They still keep that gun with the bent barrel for the story.

My Dad does Fur Trade reenactment. On the way home from work there was a dead racoon on the road in good shape, so he threw it in the back of his SUV to skin it for the pelt. Except it wasn't dead and started running about in the car. He didn't have a weapon so he managed to pull over and let it out.

Get a live trap and bate it with sardines. Coons will sit quiet and calm like and give you big sad eyes while you put the .22 barrel up to their heads.

Leo Medii wrote:

audax wrote:NOw that is a picture. HUsband and wife pollaxe team.

You got that right!

That picture belongs in the "Inspiration" thread.

Thanks for posting that.

Two Points, Leo;

1) You are a blessed man, indeed, to have such a wife!

2) Dead raccoon can be dressed and eaten: however, clean the blade(s) you use VERY carefully (might not even hurt to go carefully clean the pollaxes you used. Raccoon hide has a very acidic substance in the skin/pelt that will pit/rust steel.

I know that from loaning a bowie knife to a relative who used it to skin raccoon (I don't think they taste very good, anyway,). Six months or so later, when I got my knife back, it was rust-pitted


Val

Paul the Small wrote:Get a live trap and bate it with sardines. Coons will sit quiet and calm like and give you big sad eyes while you put the .22 barrel up to their heads.

Not sardines, marshmellows. With sardines, you will get cats and skunks, with marshmellows, you will only get racoons.

One of the fuckers killed a chicken last night. War is on again.

And if you eat the 'backyard beef' (as my Lady wife call them), they MUST be cooked well, as 'coons are omnivores and have no problem getting their next meal out of the neighbors garbage can.

I opened a can of catfood last night, to put in the trap for the raccoon that got into our garbage a few nights ago. I open the door to put it out, and theres the damn raccoon sitting in my front yard eating chicken feed!
It looked at me... then sat down and kept eating.
I said "Hey" It slowly looked at me, then turned back and kept eating. So I took a couple of steps towards it, finally when I was about 5 feet away, I made a loud noise at it ran off.
The damn thing had NO fear of me. I don't think it is used to humans, it didn't see me as a threat to it at all.

Well. Long story short. I did not catch the raccoon in the trap. I did catch the local barn cat, who was pretty annoyed to have been caught.

There are a couple of raccoons in my neighbourhood that someone intentionally leaves food out for and lets them sleep in his shed. They have no fear of anything and are the biggest raccoons I've ever seen. The first time I saw one I thought it was a small bear.

Wild animals should be afraid of people. They usually present a bigger hazard if they aren't, one way or another. That's no good for us, or for them.

OttawaClassicalSwordplay wrote:There are a couple of raccoons in my neighbourhood that someone intentionally leaves food out for and lets them sleep in his shed. They have no fear of anything and are the biggest raccoons I've ever seen. The first time I saw one I thought it was a small bear.

Wild animals should be afraid of people. They usually present a bigger hazard if they aren't, one way or another. That's no good for us, or for them.

Well, a wild animal is only afraid of a human if they perceive the human to be a threat. If they have never seen a human before, then they probably won't be to worried about you!
A couple of years ago there was this lost rain forest found in a volcano crater. There were huge rats in it, that had no fear of people, and actually delighted in crawling on the shoulders of the explorers. Because the rats had never seen a human before. We were something that did not exist to them until the day we found them.

Many years ago I once had a possum that would come around and eat the cat food on the back stoop. Being wild, it didn't want to eat out of the metal tray the food was in, so at about 4am every morning it would smack the tray (right outside my bedroom window) with it's paw until it had knocked it down the steps and spilled the contents on the ground. One morning I had enough, grabbed a six foot spear, opened the door and stuck the Fer several times, penetrating about half way up the spearhead. It just hissed at me and slowly walked away.

I thought it was going off to die, but no, it continued to come back the rest of the summer.

I hate possums.

FrauHirsch wrote:When I was a teenager a 'coon went after our chickens one night. My Dad took a .22 out to the coop. The coop was a long low cage so my Dad had to stoop to get in. The racoon was chasing the chickens in the back. My Dad shot it, it turned and reared up, he shot it again and it charged him. He ended up beating it to death with the butt of the gun holding the barrel. They still keep that gun with the bent barrel for the story.

My Dad does Fur Trade reenactment. On the way home from work there was a dead racoon on the road in good shape, so he threw it in the back of his SUV to skin it for the pelt. Except it wasn't dead and started running about in the car. He didn't have a weapon so he managed to pull over and let it out.

My dad and I did similar things, and yes for the most part a .22 LR will just annoy the raccoon. On the other hand, a .22 magnum will bring one down.

I think it is amazing how many people do not understand that raccoons are omnivorous and will eat your cats and chickens if they can. A lot of city people figure they just eat the eggs.

When I was a teen, our retired neighbor raised a variety of exotic fowl. These included a variety of rare pheasants, quail, and chickens. He also had some odd rabbit breeds on his mini-farm. We would often hear shots in the night as he took out rampaging dogs, coyotes, oppossims or raccoons, but domestic dogs did the most damage. We'd see him in the morning digging holes for the bodies of not only the attacking animal, but the stock they killed. He would sometimes loose hundreds of dollars worth of stock in one night. Some of the chickens even back then were worth $25 for one bird. I was cautious about mentioning it because so many people were just aghast that I was not horrified that he was "killing someone's poor pet".

I would point out that anyone in a rural area better understand that if dogs run loose and bother livestock, it is standard practice to shoot them.

I've dogs attacking the rancher themselves in some areas.

Humans seem so frail compared to some critters. Some animals have really thick skulls and very small brain. (Just remembering butchering sheep.)

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I would point out that anyone in a rural area better understand that if dogs run loose and bother livestock, it is standard practice to shoot them.

This was my "welcome to the neigborhood" with the people who bought the house 13 acres back from us. The farrier was out doing my draft horse, and he started flipping out, and we were wondering what was up, and as I walked around the shed there are these two dogs who start barking and acting aggressive. I grab my rifle and start walkig to wards them and they back off and charge back off and charge all the way back to thier property line and they run into the garage of the house. There I am, with my 1866 yellowboy dressed like a redneck cowboy. These your dogs, I asked them. Yes sir said one of the guys unloading a moving truck. Can you please keep them out of my livestock and birds, I asked. He tells me they are supposed to have an invisible fence at this house, but it must not be turned on. So I tell him the white dog was seconds from being shot for threatening my horses.

The look on his face was awesome.
Stupid city transplants....

MJBlazek wrote:Well, a wild animal is only afraid of a human if they perceive the human to be a threat. If they have never seen a human before, then they probably won't be to worried about you!
A couple of years ago there was this lost rain forest found in a volcano crater. There were huge rats in it, that had no fear of people, and actually delighted in crawling on the shoulders of the explorers. Because the rats had never seen a human before. We were something that did not exist to them until the day we found them.

Well, that is typically only true of creatures in isolated areas that have no natural predators. Raccoons inhabit areas with multiple threats to them, and should have an instinctive fear of predators. A large creature that they've never met should be treated as a potential threat until proven otherwise, and that's where things go wrong; too many raccoons and similar animals have had sufficient non-threatening exposure to humans that they lose their fear. It's the same kind of thing that used to happen when people would feed bears in parks, the bears became unafraid and seemed friendly, but they were equally unafraid to attack humans if they were hungry.

Raccoons aren't as dangerous as bears, but they can hurt you or your pets.

I don't know about the rats you cite, but there are similar examples that fit the pattern all over the world. The creatures on the galapagos islands are a classic example. It isn't that they've never sen humans and are unafraid. It's that they've gone so long without threat of predation that they don't fear other animals. I've heard similar stories of creatures in pocket eco-systems like volcano craters as well.

The other side of it for me is that I grew up in a rural area with constant threat of rabid animal attacks. Raccoons and foxes were the prime carriers. So perhaps it's partly just my gut reaction, but a raccoon that's not afraid of me is a likely candidate for having rabies.

Oppossums and raccoons are some of the most incredibly tough animals I have ever encountered. I have hit these critters with my CAR quite a few times on my way home from work at night. with the exception of those that bump my car three time every single one that I hit with the middle part of my car promptly hops up and runs off the road after it stops bouncing.

I have a lot of possum stories, sadly.

I once hit one with my car. Not only did the damn thing live, it punctured a hole in the sidewall of my tire, completely destroying it.

Hate em.